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Nrotc Scholarship Essay Example

Hey! So I'm applying for the AROTC Scholarship and was wondering if my essay was well written or if i should make changes. Please let me know!

Q:Consider carefully, and then state below in the space provided why you wish to enroll in the Army ROTC Program. Indicate in your statement how you believe your own objectives in life are related to the education and training offered by Army ROTC and what a career obligation means to you.

My answer:

The military has always been a goal of mine ever since I was in elementary school and meet a group of strong a confident soldiers dressed proudly in their camouflage uniforms , and when I decided I wanted to attend college I knew that I was going to enroll in the ROTC program. Growing up I had always worked better when with a team, and having structure in my personal life. I’ve always put my education before my social life and my athletics, I believe that the Army ROTC program would be the most optimal course of action to achieve my goals in education and the military. Not only would I benefit from the program, I know that I have the capability to give back to the country I call home, by being an officer in the United States Army, with my leadership skills that I have acquired, and the american values that have been instilled in me. I’ve been very dedicated to my JROTC program at my high school and worked vigorously to become the Battalion Commander, I have always been dedicated, and motivated to complete any mission or job put in front of me. Not only do I complete it but I put forth all my effort, that is the same way I will go threw my career. Dedicated, and motivated.

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K... I'm going to murderboard this. I'm going to be a gigantic ----, sorry, that's kinda how it works. I'm an intel guy, we do this to make our final products better, not to put anyone down.

I gave up on caring about this like 3 lines into it. You wrote some moto crap that you don't really even understand yet, then told me you had a bunch of family in the military, you volunteer at the VA, and you get good grades. There ya go, I just summed up your entire essay.

This doesn't make you look bad, it just isn't anything special. To me it's a lot of fluff and very little substance. Remember to think about your audience and WHO is reading this. Your prompt was, how can you be an asset to the Marine Corps is. To a bunch of Marines, the fact that you sometimes have to deal with assisting a substitute teacher, or the fact that you have good grades means absolutely nothing. Especially the parts about your family's military history. It's nice to know what your background is, but it's not really a vital factor. It's the WIIFM factor, or what's in it for me? You are selling yourself to the Marine Corps pretty much.

If I were you I'd start looking at the qualities the Marine Corps expects from an officer, leadership, self-sacrifice, intelligence, integrity, etc. What have you done in your most likely sheltered and boring life that you can relate or group together to show you posses or have potential to posses those qualities? You mentioned all of this stuff that was taught to you by your father, HOW was that taught? Experience, experience, experience, I cannot emphasize that enough. Get it through your head that you are selling the Marine Corps an investment, they are going to pay for someone to go to school and then become an officer. That is a LOT of money and time they expect. Unless your PFT and ASVAB were maxed out, I'd look this one over. Seems like you've got plenty of time to make changes though, good luck.

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